The Saga of the Black Shoes

Hello readers! I know, I know, I've been a terrible blogger lately. I just haven't been in the mood, you know? I don't want to write fluff, and can't seem to come up with good topics, so I just haven't posted. Say you forgive me? I had to come back to post the saga of my black shoes though. This is like my reverse Cinderella story I guess, so here it goes.

A few weeks ago, I found out the hard way that my black shoes I wear to work have a hole in the bottom of the sole (rain puddles + hole in shoe = gross wet socks). This started my quest for a replacement pair of shoes. Those who know me are aware of the trouble I have with shoes. I'm tall, and therefore have large feet. Trying to find shoes my size is usually impossible at best. I've had luck in recent years on Zappos.com, so I decided to give them a try first.

The first pair of shoes I got from Zappos were practical, but too large. I decided to try my luck with Zappos again, so I returned the first pair, and ordered another. When I received the second pair, I liked them, but didn't really love them. Since I was paying for shoes to wear to work, I wanted to get something I could wear for awhile, so I decided to return these too.

A couple of days after I returned the second pair of Zappos shoes, I went to Famous Footwear in town, and fell in love with these. Naturally, they didn't have them in my size in the store, but they offer a neat deal that if you order shoes in your size, they deliver them to your home for free. Sign me up! A few days later, my shoes show up, and guess what? They're too small! I return them to the store in town in the hopes they can order in a size up, but alas, the pair I had was the biggest size they carried.

Back to the drawing board! At this time, 2 weeks had gone by, and I was becoming increasingly frustrated with my lack of luck with black shoes. Plus, the weather was still nasty, so every time I had to wear the bad black shoes in the rain, I got more annoyed. To make things worse, my favorite pair of brown shoes broke at the heel, so I needed to get them fixed. I was beginning to feel cursed!

I took my brown shoes to a local place to get fixed, and it turns out the shop sold shoes in my size! I looked at some of the shoes, but decided not to make any purchases (this is before I received my Famous Footwear pair). Well, after striking out 3 times, I returned to the local store (with the Crazy Cobbler shoe seller) this afternoon, and FINALLY found a pair of shoes I love - and they were even on sale! I look forward to breaking these shoes in, just so long as I don't literally break them.

Baby it's Cold Outside

I'll be the first to admit that I have been spoiled to live in Oregon my whole life. Our summers can be warm, but are mostly tolerable, and our winters stay fairly mild. It's the rare day we see snow here in the Willamette Valley (FYI, Willamette rhymes with dammit. Say it right!), let alone ice.

That being said, when it gets really hot or really icy, we don't really know how to handle it.

Currently, we're in the midst of an "Arctic Blast" brought to us by our friendly neighbors to the north. We're experiencing temperatures colder than we've had in over 10 years! Needless to say, Oregonians don't know how to drive on ice, and certainly know how to make a mess of the roadways.

Since the students are all on break, Administrators have been hesitant to close the University, so I've been driving on the ice to work the last two days. I'm not much of a fan of inclement weather, but I'm proud of how I've been able to handle the dangerous conditions.

And the conditions are truly dangerous. You all know my disdain for other drivers, but that is magnified when the driving conditions are treacherous. It never ceases to amaze how people forget that when there is ice on the road, we all have less control and traction, so you need to SLOW DOWN and BACK OFF!! If you hit my car, your ass is officially mine.

I'm sure it goes without saying that I will welcome the return of 40 degree weather and rain. These are conditions I can handle. So thanks for the fun white stuff, but please return us to our regularly scheduled weather!

Losing Sucks, but it's How You Handle it that Matters

The reason I'm blogging is to vent the Beavers losing to the Ducks. How in the HELL did we lost that game? Where the frak was our defense? GAH!!! We had the chance to go to the Rose Bowl for the first time in over 40 years, and it's GONE! How do you get over that?

I guess what you do is figure out what went wrong, and move past it. I think Sammy Stroughter showed us exactly what we need to do in an inspiring display of sportsmanship. When you are losing big time, and get tackled on your way to making a touchdown, you have two choices: 1. shove the guy who tackled you, or 2. help the guy who tackled you get back on his feet. Sammy chose to help the guy who knocked him down, and I think he is an inspiration to us all. When life gets you down, you shouldn't let it defeat you. Doing good things for others, when you don't have to shows true character.

So, losing sucks, but I really do have to congratulate the University of Oregon on playing a fantastic game.

Oh, and I really have to hold on to hope that UCLA beats USC next week so we have a shot at the Rose Bowl. It could happen people!

Other Drivers Really Are Out to Get You

I am a firm believer that other drivers suck. I also agree with Wil Wheaton that we need to drive as if every other driver is out to kill you. Because they totally are.

That's right, whether they are distracted by their cell phone or passenger, messing with the radio or iPod, or just simply following too close to your ass, other drivers are definitely out to get you.

I've had plenty of run-ins with other drivers on the road, and have been known to yell at them profusely from the safety of my car. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not justifiably pissed off by at least one other driver on the road.

For the sake of my own sanity, I try not to let other drivers bother me too much. So long as they don't impede my buffer zone too much, then I am all good. It also helps to assume that they are out to get me, so I never let my guard down. Sounds a bit backwards, but it's true. Trust me, you'll be better off for knowing this. Save yourself from the stupidity of others behind the wheel!

Case in point, this morning while driving my 4 miles to work, I noticed more than a dozen drivers who couldn't be bothered to turn on their lights. Apparently they all didn't notice that it was foggy outside, and when you are driving in the fog, PEOPLE CAN'T SEE YOU IF YOU DON'T TURN YOUR LIGHTS ON! I know it's early and all, but SERIOUSLY! Don't you get this? I CAN'T SEE YOU! If I can't see you, I don't know you are there when I'm turning!!

Fortunately, I plan for the stupidity of others, and flashed my brights at all these dumbshits as I passed them. A few of them realized their mistakes, and turned on their lights. Like magic, they could be seen! I hope they realize this the next time they drive to work in the Willamette Valley fog.

So remember, other drivers are out to kill you; this is a fact. Now that you know this, you have a choice to be part of the problem or the solution. All I ask is that you don't drive stupid. If that's not possible for some reason, just take the bus, and leave the road for me.

Scarred for Life

You may not know this, but there is a serious bedbug problem in this country. To spare you the grotesque details, people spread them around mostly through their luggage and staying in hotels. College campuses are a natural breeding grounds for this bedbug epidemic because there are high percentages of students living within close quarters.

I have heard from colleagues about bedbug problems on their campuses. On some level I knew it was a matter of time before we had a problem as well. Sure enough, not one week into the new school year, and we had a very small outbreak in a room.

Turns out the student who brought them had been traveling and staying in hotels. The perfect storm situation for breeding bedbugs. Fortunately, we were able to identify and isolate the problem quickly. Only one room was affected, which makes this a very minor case.

Minor case or not, we needed to do some staff training to ensure that any future bedbug outbreaks would be handled just as well. So this last week, the unavoidable happened: I had to sit through a 2-hour presentation on bedbugs.

To be clear, I hate all things bugs and ew. I was never the little girl who was fascinated by bugs. I may not be overly girly, but I do scream and get the heebie geebies about bugs. That's one of the reasons I got a cat - she handles the bugs while I hide on the bed. Don't judge me.

During this dreaded presentation, I had to endure enlarged images of bedbugs (barf), and passing around samples of dead bedbugs (awful). As the presentation dragged on (and on and on), I found myself scrunching down more and more in my chair. My wonderful colleagues picked up on my discomfort quickly, and did their best to aleviate my fears with such pleasnatries as: "I hear Dallas has a huge bedbug problem." and "I think bedbugs can live for weeks on you after you travel before you can really tell."

Thanks. Very helpful, people. If anyone needs me, I'll be living out of my bathtub.

It Must Be Fall

It's getting colder outside, the leaves are changing color, the students are back, and I'm sick. Well, it's either that or I'm allergic to college students. If that's the case, I need to seek out a new profession.

Yup, I have a cold. Literally everyone around me at work is sick, so I guess it was inevitable. Still, I'm a little pissed that my body was so weak. Yeah, I've been working a lot, and have been around these people 24/7, but come on! Did I really have to get sick? Since when am I a follower? HMPH.

As soon as my coworkers started dropping like flies, I started taking Airborne and Zicam. If you don't know me, when I perceive an imminent threat (like a cold), I go into immediate overdrive to eliminate the threat. On Monday, when it was pretty clear I was starting to lose my battle with myself (ooh, that's awkward), I started drinking TONS of water. We're talking about so much water that I could have literally drowned in myself (again, awkward).

Today I took a sick day. I figured it made no sense to go in and get even worse or share with the few remaining people who have evaded this illness. Given that I will be traveling to a conference for work on Saturday, I need to get over this illness STAT so I can fully enjoy the conference.

Who knows though, maybe I really am allergic to the students.

Tips for the clumsy in nature

For those who know me, this will come as no surprise. I am clumsy. I came into this world that way, so I've had lots of practice in refining my technique, especially when it comes to falling.

As a kid, I seemingly always had a skinned knee. If you look closely at my legs now, they are an assortment of scars from previous falls. In fact, I have very little nerve remaining in my right knee, because I skinned it once before it healed from a previous skinning. What can I say, when you're talented, you're talented!

Earlier this week, a colleague of mine came into work with bandages on his hands and knees. Not only did he proceed to show me his wounds (gross), he felt the need to tell me what happened. Apparently, he was out for a morning run (ew), and bit it. As he fell, he used his hands to catch himself, and scraped them up, along with his knee.

After the story, I proceeded to critique his falling technique. One thing I've learned in my years of gracelessness is just how to fall so I have minimal impact. There are ways to fall where you only scrape one area, not 2 or 3. It's all a matter of leaning this way or that. Sort of like when you are driving and start to skid on the ice. If you turn into the skid, it actually helps you straighten out. It's a matter of scientific fact.

Also, when falling in front of an audience (and really, when isn't there an audience when you fall?), it is important to take a final bow once it's established you have survived your fall. Not only does that prove to the looky-lou's that you are okay, it shows that you have taken ownership over the situation, and can laugh at yourself.

Today I had the opportunity to utilize some of my Clumsy Skills. It rained for the first time in awhile, and I had flip flops on while walking to lunch. I had to climb some stairs (stairs are very tricksy when you are clumsy), and slid on some bricks. I was able to prevent myself from falling (ha! Score 1 for the tall clumsy lady), and was able to get back down the stairs again after lunch without issue. I didn't have to use any of my more refined skills, but rest assured, I was prepared in the event they were needed.

So, if you find yourself to be a smidge on the clumsy side, I hope some of the tips I've provided will be of service to you in your future falls, because there will definitely be other falls.

Reason #3245 to Hate Being Single

I've mentioned before that I have allergies. Well, today I bought a mattress cover for my bed that my doctor recommended to help with allergies. When I got the mattress pad home, I was horrified to see that it is supposed to go around the entire mattress. Um, how the hell am I supposed to get that on my mattress all by myself? Right then, I became frustrated once again with being single, and not having someone to call to help get this damned mattress cover on the bed. Determined not to let the situation beat me, I started to shimmy the cover over the mattress. I would pull a little down on one side, and then cross to the other side to pull a little more down. Then I would return to the other side and start the routine all over again. The whole process took about 20 minutes, and when it was over, I felt two things: 1. Satisfaction that I didn't let the situation get me down, and 2. Frustration that I had to do this all on my own.

To further complicate the situation, my neck (which continues to hurt, but that's for another post) is now throbbing, thanks to the strenuous activity. I had better see awesome results from this friggin' mattress cover!!

Friggin' Grass Seed Capital of the World

I am officially allergic to where I live. Here in the Willamette Valley (oh, and if you must ask, Willamette rhymes with dammit), we are the grass seed capital of the world, which means I can barely breathe from March to September. The longer I have lived in the mid valley, the worse my allergies seem to get. Plus, since we have a lot of bored people around here who love to make Meth, they have made it nearly impossible for me to find any medicine that works for my "seasonal" allergies that isn't available by prescription only.

Every year, my doctor tries me on some new allergy medicine, and every year, it works for about a month until I build up immunity. Until I move out of the valley, what can I do?

Does anyone have a tissue?

Things that can only happen to me:

1. Fall over when standing completely still.
2. Spill water down my back (long story).
3. Have a toilet that leaks more after maintenance comes to fix it than before they showed up.

Yeah, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm a little pissed that the toilet I told you about yesterday leaks more now than it did yesterday when I reported the problem. Um, HELLO! Isn't one of the few perks of living in an apartment complex having a maintenance staff that fixes things when they break? Now I have to leave work early tomorrow to make sure the toilet is actually fixed before the maintenance guy goes home for the day.

HMPH!